My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
