Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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