it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
