well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
