every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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