just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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