While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
