he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
this is an emotional support booty call
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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