Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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