is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
