can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
