just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
