You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
