Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
