So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Drunk is not a location!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
