I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
