kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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