I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
