new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
