ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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