Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
