paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
