Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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