The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
