so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, beer. Big fan.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
