My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
