Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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