My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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