So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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