That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
