Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
