The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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