I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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