piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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