Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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