remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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