he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
