I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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