I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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