ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can text with my tongue
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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