i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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