It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
