Christians are straight up FREAKS
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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