i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
