Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
