Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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