last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
