Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
