just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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