The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
