Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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