you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
