I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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